An essay which I was told to write..This is dedicated to the future recruits of Mohawk Company.
A new chapter of my life began on 8 of December 2005, where I know I will face new challenges and things which I will definitely not get used to. When I first stepped on Pulau Tekong, I have no idea what I will be doing there for the next 13 weeks. All I know is that life will definitely be tough and I will have to face it bravely.
The first few days of BMT seems really long to me because I was beginning to miss home and people back at home; especially my grandmother who is very sick. Even before I entered BMT, I was already facing problems in friendship. Therefore, it was definitely hard for me to try and live the confinement period. My only motivation to carry on with training is home and my parents’ encouragement. Things were not that bad for me through the 14 days of the confinement period. My problem begins during my first book in.
I guess most of us will have this strong feeling during our first book in too. Most of us will definitely feel very demoralized and saddened by the fact that we have to leave our homes and go back for training for another week. I felt terrible on the night where I had to report to Pasir Ris Bus Interchange. The only thing I can tell myself is that I will be out soon as the weekend will come. I told myself that since I have been through 14 days of training, what is that compared to 4 days? My parents did not know how I felt then and I did not want to them to worry about me.
After the adjustment period, training became tougher as we were being punished for anything that we do wrong. I understand that discipline is very important and I accept whatever punishment the sergeants or officers throw at us. However, I was not used to such intense physical exercise and hence, it was quite a challenge for me to brush it off as extra physical training. As time passes, I became more and more fearful of these “extra physical training” which leads me to dread coming back to Tekong before each book in. Also, I began to feel insecure and afraid of everything I do.
Each book in day became a nightmare for me and my parents as I would start to break down and cry. Many would have adapted to the army lifestyle by then but I did not know why I felt dread going bad so terribly. My parents were always encouraging me to be strong and not think so much about training. My grandmother who is sick was also encouraging me, although she did not know that I was facing problems. I guess that further motivates me to persevere through training and accept whatever that comes my way. It was both physically and mentally tiring for me and sometimes I really want to give up because I feel as if I will go mad soon.
It took quite a lot of me to endure through 9 weeks of BMT before deciding to seek help from the Orientation Officer (OO), Mr Chia. I thought that everything would be fine after I went through field camp since it is said to be the toughest part of BMT. However, my grandmother’s condition worsened while I was away and this makes me feel more affected during training. That was when I felt that I could not carry on with training any longer because I would break down most of the time in camp and I feel terrible. The OO referred me to the medical officer (MO) and I was diagnosed with depression. I was given the choice of whether I wish to continue with training or go out of training. The sergeants and officers were very nice as they encouraged me to persevere on for the remaining one month. It took me quite some time before I decided to go out of training because I guess I need this break for me to get my problems resolved before moving on.
All in all, BMT is actually not that bad as you get to learn things you may have not learnt before. For me, it is definitely a new experience and quite an enriching one too. It was my first time holding and handling a real weapon, my first time putting on camou cream on my face, my first time living out in the open for 7 consecutive days without bathing and my first time getting so dirty. All this training has made me tougher physically even though I am still depressed and I will definitely not forget the time I have spent in Mohawk Company.
Me and Alan
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