This is what I've learnt from my counsellor today...

What causes insecurities in a friendship? Its the unmet expectations that gives rise to this insecurities. Insecurities leads to paranoia which ends up in frustration. This could also lead to destruction of a friendship instead of development/maintenance of a friendship as one would tend to say hurtful and accusatory words to one's friend. Define your expectations and think about it properly. Are they demanding? Is it difficult for your friend to meet that expectation? If yes, moderate that expectation. Let go of these difficult expectations and not let it ruin your friendship just because your friend is unable to meet it.

Never ever accuse your friend for something which he is not feeling. If you are unsure, clarify and don't accuse him or her of feeling this way because you will never know how he feels unless you clarify. To build a friendship, you have to be nice about it and not be harsh because that is not how you should behave. What level do you want to bring your friendship to?

If you know that things are not like that but you cannot seem to stop thinking about the worst then "thought stopping" methods have to come in. There will definitely be happy and enjoyable moments in a friendship. Why do you decide to develop a friendship with a person if you don't like him in the first place? Therefore, distract yourself by giving one loud clap or smacking your leg to stop ruminating about the bad and use that interval of distraction to replace these negative thoughts with the positive. This may help stop you from thinking the unthinkable and maybe even paranoia. Trust your friend for he did not do anything to make you distrust him. Build this friendship and not destroy it.

........................... Chapter closed............................

Book burnt

Yesterday was quite an exciting day! The alumni went down to Siglap South CC for MJChoir practice. The Choir definitely sounded great! Beati Quorum and Yoru. 2 very beautiful songs indeed. Hopefully they will be able to get their Gold with Honors this year... Can't wait man...

Anyway, the alumni will most probably be performing for La Risonanza IV this year. Also, if all things go well, we might be joining them for their Pattaya trip this coming July!! So exciting!! Really can't wait man! I definitely need more practice since I've not been singing properly for so so long... All my choral technique seems to have disappeared. Damn... Oh well... its time to sing at home more again... wahahaha...

Met up with the 7 wanderers yesterday. Finally, after 7 months, all 7 of us gathered at Safra Tampines Sakura to have our "Reunion" dinner. The gathering was great! We laughed and ate and laughed some more. We turn ghost stories into comedies and suicide attempts to interesting debates on how the person actually die. We talked about Meridian and how different it is now since quite a number of our teachers left. Its really fun. Wee ling has her own car now and she drove us all home. How nice of her =) Her car is big and very cool!!! A honda civics with a digitalised speed-o-meter (maybe its common now... I'm a sua gu can?) and the interior of the car is very very nice! Not bad... Oh well, all 7 of us squeezed into her car after dinner, and we went to the playground at granny's house to have a chit chat. The the out of the 4 girls, siew li seems to be very stress with her course, sophie seems tied down with her readings, wee ling and wen feng seems to be quite alright with their studies at the moment. As for me and Meng yang, all we are concerned about is to ORD and start our studies. Both of us will be entering NUS FOS together!! woots! But still, unsure of what we want to do. Somehow, it makes me think how all of us will be like when time passes. What will all of us be doing in future? I know I want to be a teacher but somehow, I still feel a little uncertain of my decision. The rest are also uncertain of what they want to do... Hmmm... Whatever it is, hopefully all of us will be contented with what we want in future and one day, we might sit in a restaurant, in our working attire (or maybe not), talking/bitching about the stuff we do at work... hmmmm..... Here are some photos which we took last night... Take note of wee wee's beautiful car!!!

As for today, my family and I went to Sakura for dinner. Which Sakura? Safra Tampines... Me and my itchy mouth... Should have kept quiet when my mum was asking for suggestions on where to have our dinner. So I had a second round of Sakura today. As a tradition for all buffets, my cousins and I will compete to see who will be the last to finish eating. The first ever competition was at Pariss International (Marina Square). I came in fourth (aka last place). As for today, I came in fourth again (Da bian...). But I'm not in last place this time round because "Here comes a new challenger!". Muahahahaha... So I shall take comfort that I drop out after a 12 year old declare that he is full... Hahaha... Here is our pai hang bang for today...

In last place, we have Mr Jonathan Goh, the 12 year old....

Its not supposed to be a monkey pose... Its supposed to be just the pinkie showing to represent last place =)

In fourth place, we have... Me! The supposedly NS trained...

Note sad face... boo hoo...

In third place, we have... Sharon!! From second place to third place..

And finally, we have a tie in first place... Samuel and Shawn, the wonder twins!

So that's that for dinner. After giving up at fourth place, my back actually hurts quite alot... Hopefully I don't suffer from kidney failure or anything. Oh well, let's see what's God's plan for me =)

Lastly, I think that they should ban people from playing music through their handphone speakers on buses! Especially when its a mix of hokkien songs and chinese/english pop! The agony I went through just to go home today is unimaginable. Here I am, trying to read my book and there those people are, playing songs at full blast, ruining the quiet atmosphere of the new 72 bus model. Da bian... Oh well... will just have to bare with it won't I...

Frustration Brushtration... A lethal weapon I say...

Yes. Indeed I have not been feeling right for the past few days. I'm glad to have trashed/talked things out. I guess its all up to me to fight this evil within me. Away you evil frustration! Away!
Thanks =)

MJChoir alumni meeting this sat morning at Siglap South CC... Can't wait!
7 wanderers gathering at Sakura... Can't wait!!!

And so... In the last and final session of the TIPS course, we learnt about relationships.

There are 4 phases to a relationship and they are "Getting started", Development, Maintenance and Termination. Most of us will not have a problem with the "Getting Started" stage as it is the basis of each relationship. However, most of us might have a problem with the development and maintenance of a relationship. The development of a relationship will decide how far you regard a person (as a close friend or an acquaintance) and when you go pass that stage, it is how you maintain this relationship that determines its future.

Sometimes, I really don't know which direction each friendship is heading because you don't know how the other party is feeling or thinking and sometimes paranoia kicks in to make matters worst. Sometimes the other party seems to treat you differently compared to the past and you read it as a friendship going downhill. I guess it all depends on how much you trust this friendship and how much you treasure it that helps in the development. During the discussion at TIPS, the facilitator was saying that if somehow one starts to ignore you or becomes hostile to you all of a sudden, just let go of that friendship and end it nicely. Because there is no point holding on to it and make your life miserable just because that person doesn't seem to want to carry on with the friendship anymore. Yes, true if its an acquaintance. But then again, what if its a friend whom you really treasure a lot? Someone who has been with you through thick and thin, someone who has been your best pal for a very long time? It ain't easy letting go of this friendship if things become worst.

Oh well... I guess its time to change ourselves if our attitude and character is not helping a friendship at all. Of course, a person should not change himself just to fit in or please a someone else. However, if he is behaving like a childish idiot, its high time that he wake up his idea and change for the better (not directing this to anyone at all...). Sigh... I guess I'm holding on to friendship too tightly and I'm not giving myself any breathing space. But I seriously don't want to give up any friendship that I treasure. Oh well, like what I've said, I will just have to have faith in them and not worry... Trust in God is also important...

Anyway, Choon, Chase and I met up today for a meal before Chase enters the forbbiden land this coming Friday. We went to the Singapore Art Museum to take a look and the art pieces there are definitely intriguing and interesting. Each art piece left us deep in thought. Of course, me, being the one who is not artistically(if there is such a word) inclined, just enjoyed the beauty of the artpieces, not so much of the thinking. But its definitely an interesting trip.

Met my family at Marina Square after that. Somehow, it feels as though half of Singapore has decided to visit Suntec City today for the IT fair. Its scary to see people squeezing through the over head bridge leading to Suntec. For a moment there, I thought the bridge was going to collapse... Its so crowded that the queue started from escalator which leads to the over head bridge from City link mall (or even way before that...). Luckily there wasn't stampede or anything... muahahaha...

Alrighty, service at church today is definitely very enlightening. Great great great!!! =) Shall end here by posting a few photos taken today...

In my previous TIPS workshop session, I have learnt how to be a good listener, speaker and how to be assertive. And it was then that I realised that my smile can actually scare people.............. I was asked to show the group how I will open a conversation with a complete stranger using the skills which I've learnt. It turned out that my smile sort of intimidated the guy... haha... I've got nothing to say. Some people don't mind the smile while somewill suspect that you are up to something when you smile. I guess I am who I am and I must learn to do the right things at the right time.

Anyway, we played this message relay game during that session and the result was hilarious. This is the orignal message:

Mary's mother has 3 dogs. They are named Piggie, Winnie and Chicky. Piggie and Chicky are males while Winnie is a female. Last week, Mary took Winnie and Chicky for a walk in the park. One hour later, Mary realised that Winnie was missing.

The last person received the message as:

Mary has 3 dogs. They are named Beaky, Vicky and Chinny. Beaky and Chinny are males while Vicky is a female. One day, marry took beaky for a walk.

Hmmmmmm.... The power of communication. The lesson learnt is that we must not be afraid to ask again if we are not sure about the message we have received. If somehow, we did not listen to the message or orders given to us properly, it may give rise to many problems which we might not be able to handle.

Before leaving, I must say that I'm proud to be a MERIDIAN!!! WOOTS!! The previous batch did extremely well for the A levels! 300 plus triple A students and 80 plus 4 As students. Double the number we had for the previous batch!! Woohoo!!! So proud of my juniors =) Meridian rocks my socks! Oh well... Thinking about how my juniors did and looking through last year's college annual, it kind of made me miss my college days a lot... Sigh sigh...