Montpressivo III

Well well well... Montfort Chorale had their concert on Friday. It was a combined concert with Westwood Secondary and the overall performance wasn't that fantastic. Apparently, the concert should be named as Westwoodssivo rather than Montpressivo since Westwood took away all the lime light.... Haha... They are definitely better than Montfort Chorale but I feel that being the guest choir, they should at least give the main choir more performance time. Oh well, its the conductor's decision so I shall not comment much.

Montfort Chorale's entrance into CHIJMES was very very impressive as it was like a procession. Their conductor did a solo performance as he walked into the hall and he was followed closely behind by the choir. All the lights were off and the choir members were holding candles as they walked in. So cool! Well, the first two songs, "Procession" and "When Jesus Wept", were the best songs for the concert. The rest were not that bad (but not that good either). So, no complains. Anyway, the seniors (including me) are already not impressed by their concert booklet (we paid 12 dollars for a piece of photocopied paper) so we were already quite pissed with the planning. However, us being nice and forgiving seniors (ha!) continued to cheer them on... Hehe... since we are so not forgotten...

Overall, its quite heart warming to see them put up their third installment of Montpressivo. How I wish their standard can improve... Haiz... Hopefully things will change for the better. Anyway, after the concert, the alumni went on stage and sang "One Single Light"! woot! We rock! haha... however, due to my lousy piano skills, we stopped singing in the middle of the song. But it was quite tactical lar (It sounded like the song has ended... heez). The greatest part of all was when both the alumni and the choir sang "The Battle of Jericho" and I conducted them. Haha... very nice to see that there is actually one song which both the alumni and present choir members can sing together... Although it was two completely different interpretations, we still managed to pull it off lar... So no complains... ha! So glad that so many alumni peeps can make it for the concert. 4 couples came... (increase from the 1 last year) Hiak hiak hiak...

After the concert, we went our separated ways. The 4 meridians went to Suntec Carls Jr while the 3 couples plus a few others went to Marina Carls Jr. (Not that we want to go separate ways ok... we actually wanted to have dinner together but in fear of being light bulbs, the four meridians decided to separate from them... hiakz...).

At Carls Jr, we managed to teach Jason CKL some life skills (you really don't want to know what questions he asked when he was there... haha) which is important for him to break out of his mountain tortoise shell and be freed from the sua ku spirit that was possessing him for the last 16 years. Oh well... the four of us were very crazy on the way there and even at Carls Jr itself, we were crazy. (Many people has given us THE stare...) What to do... We are so proud to be Meridians what... haha =X Anyway, here are the photos we took at Carls Jr...

We call ourselves the J^3 S aka J cubeS (3 generation of Meridians =D)

Look... What Dumb faces we have? =X

Trying to look Dao...

Meridian Medley Cheer!! Wheeeeee! (We are so loyal... ha!)

*Born of a vision to be the best... Rising above the rest...*

Prisoners of Meridian (the POMs)

That's all... Imagine how traumatised the group of working adults behind us were.... =X

Time has really passed so quickly! So fast, 2 of my branchmates have left us... Sad... Furthermore, my branch will be separated this coming September and more will be leaving. Sigh... How saddening... I guess it won't feel the same once our working environment changes. Haiz...

Oh well, its going to be busy busy busy time for me now. I've realised that there are still so many things to do now and so many things to handle. Beginning to lose sleep again. This is baaaaaad. It's times like this where I will start to become irritating. So pardon me for my behaviour. For the past few days, I've become so childish! Oh my gosh! And I am beginning to irritate myself (How weird). Hopefully I can refresh myself this weekend.

I shan't go on with my blabbings since my sentences are getting shorter and shorter now. (Hmmmm... I wonder...) Anyway, here are some photos of my branch. Nice ones!

Informal shot of the Loggies!

Young Loggies at table 2 (The young ppl who ORD next year excluding kelvin....)

My Boss and his birthday cake!

Loggies past and present!

All of us in the restaurant

Sigh sigh sigh... How I wish my term will end... Haiz...

None But Jesus by Hillsong

In the quiet
In the stillness
I know that You are my God
In the secret of your presence
I know that I am restored
When you call I won't refuse
Each new day again I'll choose

Chorus:
There is no one else but You
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos
In confusion
I know You're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

Chorus:
There is no one else but You
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
There is no one else but You
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

Bridge:
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more
All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord
Forever more

Chorus:
There is no one else but You
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise
There is no one else but You
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

I love this song so so much... So meaningful. Reminds me of all the things God has done for me! Calms my nerves too! =)

Oh well... Montfort Chorale is in quite a disastrous state. Hopefully things will turn out well.

I'm beginning to feel very tired and worried over some things. Hopefully things will be fine.

Sigh... There is no one else but You! None but Jesus!

I am super duper tired now. I am both physically and mentally tired now! Physically because of yesterday's graduation parade. It was my first time helping out in the parade and it is certainly a very interesting experience for me. I helped to set up the refreshment counter for the parents and the VIPs and it can be damn tiring as we had to sit in the reception room and wait for the VIP to arrive (That's tiring... ha!). The more tiring part is to prepare the drinks, carry the stuff over to the reception area and set up the place.

Ah well... Many things had to be done prior to this GP. Things like preparing the AOR, buying 100 plus, refreshments and servicing of equipment. This is where I am mentally drained. Haha... Because I have burst my budget for this year and many problems have arised. The system gave me so much problem and all I can do is to panic everyday. I think I gave my finance officer a lot of trouble too haha... We have to call each other so frequently everyday for the past week. Oh well... Luckily everything is settled now.

Haiz... anyway, my upperstudy has ORD-ed. And I am left quite alone... At least I am more familiar with my job scope and the terms used now compared to two months back when I was so blur. Hopefully i can survive the rest of my NS days arh... Hmmmm... hopefully...

Some pics from La Risonanza III...

MJChoir alumni rehearsing on stage

The male chorus of MJChoir

MJChoir Alumni backstage while the main choir is preparing to enter stage outside... haha

MJChoir Alumni with Mr Yong (Took this using timer mode =) )

MJChoir on stage performing "Sunset Boulevard"!!

The choir in another position during the musical

Our 3 wonderful soloists! Charissa, Ying Chuan and Rachel!

Meridian Junior College Choir Presents

"La Risonanza III"

MJChoir Rocks!!! Woohoo!! Their concert was great!! My juniors did well and sang well! Their hard work really paid off man! MJChoir Alumni made their debut yesterday too and I guess we did well too. Although not really great, but at least we sang as an alumni! woohoo! I am so glad that i joined them for the concert. I had thoughts of redrawing from the performance initially as I wasn't sure if I am ready. But God has guided me and there i was, standing in front of the audience with the alumni singing my hearts out! We were rather nervous back stage before the concert. But we prayed together, encouraged each other and had fun together. It was really hard for us as we only got full strength a few days before the concert but we did it anyway. Sigh... How I wish the alumni would continue to grow and one day we will have a full choir.

Yesterday's concert really made me thought back about my past as a choir. Standing up there in the circles seat, watching my juniors perform the musical, made me think about the ups and downs the choir had gone through for the past two years when I was there. I really hoped that I could be part of them again! Sigh... But time has indeed pass so quickly and here I am, serving NS. Somehow, thinking back about the concert now makes me miss the choir even more... haha... Anyway, the choir has grown both in strength and standard and that is definitely a good thing and I am so happy for them!! By the way, I must really thank those who came for the concert. Especially DY, Alan, Andre and Andy!!! The four of them rushed over from Tekong just to support me and I am so touched! It's really very nice of them to come down to support me but too bad, they have to leave after first half. Oh well, really glad to know that they can make it. Of course not forgetting Chase! Lim Kian Heng for his beautiful flower and Choon for being there. haha...

Oh well, for the past few days, I've been attending this storeman course at Sembawang Camp. Gosh! It is a totally new environment for me. The people there are mostly smokers and most of them are from ITE. Not that I have anything against them but I really can't stand their behaviour in class and even when they march! Aiyooo!! Never in my life have I ever been to such a noisy class! Haha... But the instructors there are super nice and there is one more day left before the course ends. So I might as well bear with it. Haiz... This is my very first time missing Tekong! haha... The food at Sembawang is really very very very un-appetising. The place really makes me feel demoralised. I think I am too attached to my office.... Haiz... I will be back soon anyway and now I don't mind sitting the ferry to and fro anymore... haha...

Okay. Enough of my rantings. I really have to thank God for guiding me through this far! I thank him for all the wonderful memories that he has showered upon me and most importantly, thank him for being there for me all the time when I needed him. Praise God!

Here are some photos taken during the Carls Junior outing with some of the Loggies!

Dy, Ex Dy, Alan, Me, Andre and Andy!

Finance clerk, armskote cum signal spec (aka Pao Ga Liao), ration spec and signal spec!Me and Alan

Another month has past so quickly! I guess things have changed quite alot for me for this past month. I seem to be much happier now since I am working in such a friendly environment. I'm beginning to like my job as a finance clerk although I'm still picking up things along the way. Generally, I feel closer to the branch now and I am really happy to be there. Sigh... Hopefully my branch won't be splitted up after the merger which I find pointless. Sigh... My boss is just so nice. My colleagues too! Woot!! Had a gunbound session with my colleagues yesterday night and it was actually fun! haha... Oh well... I shall be patient and let God's plan unfold before me...

Anyway, I got accepted into NUS!! Woohoo!! And I was given my first choice too, Science. Hopefully I will be able to study Applied Chemistry because no matter how much I want to be a teacher, I still want to keep my options open. You'll never know what teaching is like until you have experienced it.

Sigh... Now I will have to pass my IPPT if I don't wish to recourse. I really don't want to recourse but I am so afraid that I will not pass my IPPT. I'm like quite far away from the pass that I should obtain because I have not been exercising for like close to 2 months. The only way to start training myself is to stay-in in camp so that I can go to the gym or run with them. But then again, I'm still rather afraid of staying-in. Sometimes I really want to stay in with them but somehow, I seem to give in to my fears. The stories I hear are not helping much too. Its like you want to hear those stories but once you hear it, you begin to be scared of this and that. ARGH!! What to do? What to do? I shall just pray about it and ask God for guidance. Sigh... what a dilema...

Meridian Choir Concert is coming!!!! I REALLY WANT TO PERFORM WITH THE ALUMNI!! Sigh... But the stupid storeman course makes it quite difficult for me to take part in this performance. Hopefully I will be able to rush down from Sembawang camp immediately after the course. Hopefully, the course will end early. Let's just see how things go. By the way, let me make an advertisement here... haha... Wonder if anyone will read this but...

Meridian Junior College Choir Proudly Presents

"La Risonanza III"

Date: 10 May 2006, Wednesday

Time: 7.30pm

Venue: Victoria Concert Hall

Tickets are sold at $12 and its free seating!

Come on down and support us!!!! Woohoo!!!

Haiyer... So fast... one week has past since the chalet ended. Wow! I had a great time at the chalet last week. Cycling around with my friends, cycling to Meridian with choon and chase... woot... fun! And chase and I were talking throughout the night about God knows what (Always changing topics... we link topics very well u see...) while choon listen to us talk while pretending to be asleep. We relived our childhood days that night. Wah... it was super funny playing the flying saucer thing with them. Oh well... all good things must come to an end... haiz...

Anyway, I have officially taken over the job as finance clerk. After 3 days of training at selarang camp, my eyes almost dropped out because i have to look through pages and pages of numbers to find the matching documents. Auditing documents can be super boring and tough man. Hopefully I will be able to survive arh... My upper study will be on leave soon and I still have many things to prepare and ask before the financial year opens which is just next week. Oh man.... Hopefully I will be out of tekong alive... dook ching... One thing's for sure, i seem to prefer tekong more than other camps in Singapore because tekong is like more cosy and "new-looking" than the camps i've been to so far. Haiz... if only BMTC is on mainland.... that would be so much better.

I guess I am feeling better now although there are occasional disturbing feelings that arise within me... I'm still as blur as ever, still trying to understand what ppl is trying to say (although i have no problem understanding my friends and family.... hmmm...), still trying to control myself. I am still very lost as to how to move on and how to get through this. The feeling of not knowing what will happen... Sigh... may the 7 of december 2007 come quickly! Oh well, let me just carry out God's plan for me and try not to bother about things which will not help me in life.

Being a storeman at HQ is not that bad after all. The people at Log Branch are super nice and I guess staying in as a perm staff is not as bad as staying in as a recruit. Firstly, you get more freedom as you can do what you want at night. Secondly, you can sleep at whatever time you like and lastly, you can get up later than usual. Haiz... I guess I am just a trouble maker... causing so much trouble for everyone... Why am I like that? How I wish i can feel better... In fact, I know God has helped me relax and stay calm for the past few days... So i am so thankful for that! Hopefully, tomorrow will be better... we shall see...

"Hallelujah! Jesus is alive!"

At long last, after so many months, I get to return back to Montfort to see the choir. I guess the choir has improved a little under their new conductor so I'm not complaining. However, their discipline is still as bad as ever... haiz...

Anyway, the choir had their party today and it's great to see my juniors again (even though there are many many unfamiliar faces). After so many months, I got to meet Choon and theo! haha... Of course not forgetting Alvin and Ernest (Although I just met them yesterday... =X) Very happy to be able to see all of them again after so so long...

Going back to Montfort brings back so many wonderful memories I had in the school. Choon, Ernest and I lingered around the physical fitness station talking and talking... How relaxing... How I wish I can just relive all these memories again... How I wish I can become the happy Jeremy that I used to be... How I wish I will not be so worried over anything like how I was in the past... sigh... I've grown to become a timid person...

By the way, Miss Loh left Montfort to join Sembawang Sec. Poor thing... Being tortured by the students there. Sigh... Although, Miss Loh and I were not that close, but I still visit her office with Choon and Chase in the past. It was so fun then. Choon will always joke around in the office with Miss Loh and we will laugh our heads off in her office. Sigh... now that she is in another school, we will not be able to enter that Science office ever again. Oh well...

I am posted back to BMTC (stupid island named tekong) as a storeman (euphemised as supply assistant). Sigh... Hopefully I get to stay out and get an 8-5 job... Let God's will be done... Shall see what a storeman does tomorrow... Wish me luck!

"One Single Light...."

Time passes so quickly (I think i have said this too many times... =X)... 1 week since my grandma was cremated. All of us miss our grandma dearly. Sigh... I guess we have to really move on and not brood over it... There are stories that my grandma had visited us during the 7 day period starting from.

Last Sunday night, both my father and I dreamt of my grandma. My father said that my grandmother told him that she is very happy that everyone had turn up for her wake and that even those overseas rushed back to attend her funeral. I hope she is really happy and peaceful in the kingdom of God now. My dream was rather spooky... haha... I dreamt that my whole family was at my grandmother's old house. Suddenly, my grandmother appear beside my aunt and take a look at her. After that, she disappeared again. Then, she appeared beside another person, look at her and disappeared again. I was shouting, "ah ma! ah ma!" and she looked at me, put her fingers to her lips and called me to keep quiet... haha... It seems that only i can see her and no one else can. What a dream... My mother said that she put a packet of rice on top of the rice container one night and the next morning when she looked at it, the packet of rice seems to have depressions on it, as though someone has grabbed it... Hmmmmmm...

Then my cousin told me that one day when her family was eating at the dining table with the television on, the television suddenly switched off by itself. The television was not spoilt at all as the small red light signalling that there is power to the TV was there. Then my cousin went to on it and it seems to be working perfectly well.... hmmmmmm.... My cousin also told me that her mother (my aunt... duh) dreamt of my grandma smiling at her two times the same night.... ooooh

Haiz... I shall just look forward to the future gatherings I am going to have with my family...

Anyway, I have finally stayed in camp (Not that i am keen in staying in at all). The first day was super terrifying for me because I was so scared of staying in, so scared of the place, so scared of the officer... I actually wanted to report sick and get myself warded. But praise God! God guided me through the pass few days, helping me not to get myself warded. Sigh... I went to see the doctor on thursday to show him the letter from my psychiatrist. He gave me sleeping pills because i told him i could not sleep. The sleeping pills were extremely effective. I have been feeling so so sleepy even when i woke up the next day. Wooot! I've been sleeping in the office for the pass few days... haha... Was really very very tired. I don't know why.

My company will be POP-ing soon. At last their 3 months of will be coming to an end soon. Sigh... Glad to know that my platoon, especially my section, are so concern about me and are so caring. Haiz... hopefully I can get out of Tekong soon. I want to leave that place and start my NS life anew somewhere else. I guess I have grown to be scared of that environment. May God guide me and bless us all! Hallelujah!

Will be booking in tomorrow. All i need is to bear with it for 2 days and 2 nights and I will be out soon. Let's just hope that i will be ok for the next few days...

Praise God! I got my A level results today. I have been praying and hoping that I could get what I aimed for. And once again, God has answered my prayer. I got A for Chemistry and Maths and a B for Biology. C5 for GP, a pass! haha... Praise God!

I went to see the psychiatrist today. He downgraded me temporarily to PES C1 L1 which means there is no combat training for me. He also referred me to a counsellor. And he said if I am to have another break down tomorrow, I am to report sick and i will be warded at Alexandra Hospital. Haiz... I am comforted to hear that but then again, I feel so worried and scared. I don't know why I feel this way at the thought of staying in tomorrow. I was shivering just now for no apparent reason. haiz... What's wrong with me? Oh Lord, please help me stay calm and relaxed.

Whatever it is, I should be happy for getting such good grades! Congratulations to the 7 wanderers for great improvements in their results!!! Especially to Meng Yang, Wee Ling and Xiu Li (Xue Li) for getting straigt As!!!!! Praise God!

I shall post some photos of my ang moh nephew and niece. The photos were taken during my grandma's wake... sigh... I miss my grandma...

So fast... It has been 6 days since my grandmother passed away. I am glad to be able to be there for the wake through the 5 days... Praise God! Sigh...

I just don't know how to describe my feelings now. I miss my grandmother a lot and I feel so empty, knowing that I will never get to see her again. Many thoughts ran through my mind for the pass 6 days. I remembered how she waved goodbye at me last Saturday. I remembered her last words for me and my brother were "guai guai gao gao", meaning, be good. I remembered how thin she was and how sick she looked. I remembered how strong she used to be. I remembered how lonely she used to be, staying alone all by herself in a big apartment with no one accompanying her during weekdays. I remembered how I used to visit her on Saturdays when I was small. Sigh... All these things will remain in my memory from now on...

My father said that my grandma passed away peacefully and I am glad to hear that. I'm just sad that I was not able to be there with her during her last moments. I guess its my grandmother's death that brings the whole family together. My cousins who lived overseas came back. Even my ang moh nephew and niece came. The whole family was there, gathered together for once. My uncle said my grandmother was worried that the whole family will split after she pass away. But I'm glad to hear that the whole family agreed to meet up for a gathering once a month.

Everything happened so quickly... Time passes so quickly... My whole family was sad. All misunderstandings were cleared today as a family meeting was held at the columbarium where my grandmother's ashes lie. I just hope I can move on from here and just be glad that my grandma has gone to heaven and enter God's kindom...

"For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son, that whoever believed in Him shall not perish but have eternal life" John 3:16

Through it all

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons

Cover me with Your hands

And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You

And I wait on You

I'll sing to you Lord

A hymn of love

For Your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons

Cover me with Your hands

And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to you

And I wait on you

I'll sing to you Lord

A hymn of love

For Your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

I didn't have the chance to see her for the last time... haiz... May my grandmother rest in peace...

Sigh... My grandmother is really getting weaker and weaker each day. I've been feeling real guilty for the past few weeks. I guess I took my grandmother for granted in the past. I rarely visited her and would even throw stupid tantrums over nothing, making life diffcult for both my parents and my grandmother. My grandmother is really very pitiful. When she was well, not many would visit her and she would live alone, all by herself, in her old apartment. My mother told me that my grandmother told her that she only get to see her children when she is sick. It really saddens me to hear her say that. It makes me feel even more guilty listening to that because it is until now that I start treasuring my grandmother's presence.

I know her time is very short now. She may go anytime now. I will have to be strong and brave through this. God is by my side and I know that God will help my grandmother be peaceful. I don't wish to see her suffer but at the same time, I wish I could do something to pay back all the mistakes that I have done. At least now I learn to love my grandmother more. Praise God for teaching me this lesson. But is it too late for me to make up for the time I've wasted by not seeing her?

An essay which I was told to write..

This is dedicated to the future recruits of Mohawk Company.

A new chapter of my life began on 8 of December 2005, where I know I will face new challenges and things which I will definitely not get used to. When I first stepped on Pulau Tekong, I have no idea what I will be doing there for the next 13 weeks. All I know is that life will definitely be tough and I will have to face it bravely.

The first few days of BMT seems really long to me because I was beginning to miss home and people back at home; especially my grandmother who is very sick. Even before I entered BMT, I was already facing problems in friendship. Therefore, it was definitely hard for me to try and live the confinement period. My only motivation to carry on with training is home and my parents’ encouragement. Things were not that bad for me through the 14 days of the confinement period. My problem begins during my first book in.

I guess most of us will have this strong feeling during our first book in too. Most of us will definitely feel very demoralized and saddened by the fact that we have to leave our homes and go back for training for another week. I felt terrible on the night where I had to report to Pasir Ris Bus Interchange. The only thing I can tell myself is that I will be out soon as the weekend will come. I told myself that since I have been through 14 days of training, what is that compared to 4 days? My parents did not know how I felt then and I did not want to them to worry about me.

After the adjustment period, training became tougher as we were being punished for anything that we do wrong. I understand that discipline is very important and I accept whatever punishment the sergeants or officers throw at us. However, I was not used to such intense physical exercise and hence, it was quite a challenge for me to brush it off as extra physical training. As time passes, I became more and more fearful of these “extra physical training” which leads me to dread coming back to Tekong before each book in. Also, I began to feel insecure and afraid of everything I do.

Each book in day became a nightmare for me and my parents as I would start to break down and cry. Many would have adapted to the army lifestyle by then but I did not know why I felt dread going bad so terribly. My parents were always encouraging me to be strong and not think so much about training. My grandmother who is sick was also encouraging me, although she did not know that I was facing problems. I guess that further motivates me to persevere through training and accept whatever that comes my way. It was both physically and mentally tiring for me and sometimes I really want to give up because I feel as if I will go mad soon.

It took quite a lot of me to endure through 9 weeks of BMT before deciding to seek help from the Orientation Officer (OO), Mr Chia. I thought that everything would be fine after I went through field camp since it is said to be the toughest part of BMT. However, my grandmother’s condition worsened while I was away and this makes me feel more affected during training. That was when I felt that I could not carry on with training any longer because I would break down most of the time in camp and I feel terrible. The OO referred me to the medical officer (MO) and I was diagnosed with depression. I was given the choice of whether I wish to continue with training or go out of training. The sergeants and officers were very nice as they encouraged me to persevere on for the remaining one month. It took me quite some time before I decided to go out of training because I guess I need this break for me to get my problems resolved before moving on.

All in all, BMT is actually not that bad as you get to learn things you may have not learnt before. For me, it is definitely a new experience and quite an enriching one too. It was my first time holding and handling a real weapon, my first time putting on camou cream on my face, my first time living out in the open for 7 consecutive days without bathing and my first time getting so dirty. All this training has made me tougher physically even though I am still depressed and I will definitely not forget the time I have spent in Mohawk Company.

How's life after being an OOT for almost 2 weeks? Alright I guess...

Glad to have one thing in my mind cleared today. Praise God for answering my prayer! Hmmm... I have a feeling that I will go senile soon... At such a young age too... These few days (or rather the past few weeks), my memory is so bad that I can even forget what I want to do even though I have just thought about it a second before. Also, I have difficulty understanding people too (Maybe just my sergeants and officers... I don't know). Sigh... Is it a sign? Hmmm...

I am made to watch Jarhead and write an essay regarding how I persevered 9 weeks of training before choosing to go out of training. The movie is sounds nice when described by one of the sergeants. But after watching it, it seems that my fear for war has increased! Seeing the marines getting so enthusiastic and cheerful seeing bombs being dropped on villages with many innocent people living in it really scares me. How sadistic can they get? We are dealing with innocent lives here for God's sake. And when the staff sergeant in the movie ask the soldiers to throw away one of the ten commandments (Thou shalt not kill), I was like.... haiz... sad... Why must a war be started? Why must our peace be threatened? Oh well... I guess its just me, being afraid of this and that. Sigh...

For the past 3 days, I've been visiting my grandmother. Things does not look promising at this stage. My grandmother is getting weaker and weaker each day. I really don't want to see her suffer like this. But then again, I don't want to see her go too. I guess that's a selfish thought. Sigh...

My status will end on monday and I am beginning to feel a little crazy again. Haiz... problems problems problems... dumb me... God will help me... I know... Its all up to me now, ain't it?

Jesus loves me yes I know, For the bible tells me so...

Wow... It had been a long time since I last blogged. The reason for my long absence is that I am currently serving the nation. Sigh... that's where everything begins...

I guess was not ready when I was enlisted. I started out NS in a wrong state of mind. Feeling troubled, worried and home sick. At first things went out pretty well for me. The experience in the army is indeed valuable, for me at least. Never in my life have I sweat like no body's business and never in my life did I smell like a one million smelly old socks soaked in water together with rotten fishes. I've learnt many many things like how to handle a rifle, the different types of formations and methods to handle an enemy attack or attack an enemy, putting on green and black cream on your face and eating food which have a nice name but actually tasted disgusting. haha... all my firsts... My fitness and appetite definitely improved after I entered the army and I have become much tanner than before.

Sigh... Currently, I am out of training because the doctor said that I have depression. I opted for it. There are many many things on my mind which i really don't know how to say. I don't know why i feel like this and I don't know if I've made the right choice. I know God is always by my side but I don't know why I just feel so helpless, so lonely, so... sad... Because of this my parents were very affected and extremely upset about it. It really hurts me to see my parents like this but I just can't seem to control my emotions. At least I know that there are people who really care for me. My sergeants are really very nice to me and I don't know how to thank them. Even during field camp, my platoon sergeants and section commanders are always helping me. But I still end up feeling this way...

Now, I am referred to a psychiatrist for depression and I will see how things go. Being out of training (OOT) is not that bad after all. I am excused from staying in camp for 2 weeks meaning that i will be in camp from 8 to 5/6pm during weekdays and timing for saturday depends. As an OOT, we do admin stuff and help out when needed. Otherwise, we will be in the company office waiting for orders.

Praise God for guiding me through so far for the past 2 months. I know there is 1 month more to go but I guess i just needed this break from training. Let's see what God has installed for me for the next two years. My A level results will be out soon and I don't know if I will do well for it... Sigh... Hopefully, everything turns out well.

A love hate relationship with Mohawk Company... haiz...

Son of God

Hold my hand and walk with me
You're the Light that makes me see
On this path my soul You lead
O my Shepherd walk with me

I need You more then breath
You're my hope in You I live
Angels worship at Your throne
Power and Glory to You alone

My Saviour
Glorious one
My Redeemer
Living in my heart
Now and forever
Your Kingdom come
Jesus Son of God
Jesus Son of God

I need You more then breath

You're my hope in You I live

Angels worship at Your throne

Power and Glory to You alone

My Saviour

Glorious one

My Redeemer

Living in my heart

Now and forever

Your Kingdom come

Jesus Son of God

Jesus Son of God

Jesus,O Jesus
Holy is The Lamb of God
Jesus,O Jesus
Worthy is The Lamb of God

My Saviour
Glorious one
My Redeemer
Living in my heart
Now and forever
Your Kingdom come
Jesus Son of God
Jesus Son of God

I love this song so so much... So so nice!!

It had been a long time since I last stepped into Nativity Church. Yesterday, Paul asked me to go to Nativity to listen to the combined choir practice for Christmas. Wow... They were amazing. Just amazing... They sang Exultate Deus, O Holy Night, I Wander as I Wander (By John Rutter) and Angel's Carol (By John Rutter). VJ Choir sang Exultate Deus for the Choir Olympics last year and after listening to Nativity choir last night, I was so shocked and yet amazed by their standard. They sounded quite like the recording done by VJ choir. Considering that they practice only once every week for that song and the choir comprised of people from different age groups (both young and old), making it difficult for them to come together and meet, they actually sounded quite good! Even though there were only 4 basses and 10 over sopranos, the basses can still be heard very clearly! Wow... I miss singing with them. In fact, I miss singing in a choir... Sigh... I remembered I joined the Nativity Choir for the past two years, singing for Monty Thursday (Holy Thursday), Good Friday and Easter Vigil. The experience is definitely wonderful! Anyway, I am very happy to be able to listen to them sing again because it has been more than a year since I last saw the aunties and uncles.

I feel quite happy today. Being able to go out with my family and cousins... haha... Funny bunch of people. Today's service was rather enriching too! It's about the Manila Miracle Revival and we get to listen to some of the gospelighters' testimony on the event. The miracles are really so great! So wonderful! And I am constantly reminded that with faith, anything is possible and that is the one message that I really need at this point of time... haha... Family and friends. They are just so important in our life! But whatever it is, life is brief and we will enter a better and wonderful place in future when we return to God! Woohoo! Praise God for all that he has done for us!

Finally, the A level Examinations are over... The gruelling 3 weeks which we all have to go through has finally come to an end. I know I should be happy and all but I just feel weird... lost... confused... By quite a number of things.

In less than 2 weeks time, I will be opening a new chapter of my life. 8 of December will be the day I give up my freedom for the nation (hahaha =x) and I guess I am feeling a little scared. I really don't know how life will be like in there (obviously)... sigh...

It has been more than a month since I felt depressed... Through this period of time, I've learnt to really ignore my troubles and worries in preparation of my examinations. I guess the exams serve as a "distraction" for me to run away from my feelings. So many things happened through this period of time. I have drawn myself closer to the 7 wanderers. During the examination period, we went to Orchard to relax and shop around even though we still have 3 papers left. After our last second paper, we went to watch Harry Potter together even though we still have 1 paper left. I really feel so happy together with my bunch of friends and I really thank them for making my life in Meridian so colourful. While we were out, I just feel weird at first... I was reminded of many many things... Things which I am thankful and grateful for because it made me very happy... And yet, I feel sad... Sad that things may not be the same again... Things change so quickly through this period of time. I'm trying to move on... just move on...

Sometimes I really wonder... When one says, "We must keep in contact k?" or "We will definitely be friends forever!" To what extent will one truly go out and fulfill this statement. I had a friend once during lower secondary. A close senior and friend. He would always ask me to keep in contact with him. But after he went to JC, we just did not keep in touch with each other. And there you go, one close friend lost... Now, I am trying to treasure the friends I have now and hopefully, as we move on in life, our friendship will never fall...

Footprints in the Sand

One night a man had a dream. He dreamt he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that if happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all teh way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

This story is so inspiring. Indeed, the LORD is always by our side when we most needed HIM. Whenever I feel down and sad and I start to pray, I know that HE is comforting me and trying to make me feel better. And I really feel better in the end. God really helped me get through the most troubled times in my life and I am so thankful for that. Praise God! Today, I feel better after what happened during the past 3 weeks. God answered my prayer and I am so grateful for that! Never doubt HIM. HE IS THE TRUE AND LIVING GOD! Hallelujah! Praise God!

John 14:6

Jesus said,"I am the way, the truth and the life. No one
comes to the Father except through me.

Woohoo!! The A levels is coming!!! 3 more days... I don't even know if I am prepared. I feel prepared for Chemistry (Abit lar...), I feel ok for maths... As for Biology, I just pray hard that I can answer whatever questions that they throw to me because I have not been practicing TYS for Biology but keep on doing TYS for Chem and Maths... Hopefully, I will be ready by then.

Hmmm... While all my friends are studying so hard at home, I can still find time to slack!! I am so crazy!!! Not as if I am a smart ass or what... but I have not motivation to study... SO SO BAD!!! SCREAM!!!! On Thursday, I went to Pasir Ris Park with my family and my cousins and I went cycling. 5 days to A levels and I still can go cycling... haha... I am just so crazy... Anyway, I guess I need that break because I have been at home for the past few days mugging my butt out for the A levels. Ahhhh... How I hope it won't be a re run of my O levels...

Thursday was a very fun day for me I guess. The cycling session with my cousins was great! It had been a while since I last cycled (In september actually... haha) and as usual, many memories flow pass my mind (I am so sentimental... gosh!). We drove past Costa Sands Resort and I remembered by carolling session there when I was in Secondary 1. We combined with Pei Cai choir and sang right in front of the swimming pool. I can still picture myself wearing that purply pink hawaiian shirt and black pants and singing the Christmas carol. Then, it rained suddenly (I don't think its because of our singing...) so we had to move in doors. We just sang and sang and sang. Even if there was no one listening to us, we just keep on singing. haha... It was rather fun! So relaxed and enjoyable! Hmmm... I guess I was a happy little kid then. No troubles, no worries... Just enjoy enjoy enjoy. But, hey, as we grow up, we have more responsibilities and I guess being busy with so many things is inevitable. Anyway, we celebrated Mrs Lee's birthday then... Haha... Although Mrs Lee can be very nasty, I know she is still a nice lady inside (somewhere...). Thinking back on the way she act and speak, I can't help but laugh at her. She got so many funny actions. Even when she scolds, its also funny. But her character a bit bad lar... So we I shan't say much...

Then, as I cycled through Pasir Ris Park, I remembered how my family used to camp there, by the sea. My cousins and I will sit around and talk through the night. The adults will talk among themselves. Hmmmz... It was just so fun.

Aiya... For now, I guess I will just have to live through the next 3 weeks before I can start enjoying all I want... Time passes very quickly indeed... It will end soon... soon...

Praise God!

Great... Another day has past and its one more day closer to the A levels (Which also means that it is one day closer to the end of A levels!). All I want is my two weeks of relaxation before I enter the army. Sigh... so fast...

Anyway, I have been thinking about my past lately. Today, as I was playing One Single Light on my keyboard, I was thinking about Montfort Chorale (Montfort Music Society then...) and how time haS past so quickly. Yesterday, I read through posts which I had written in the past and they were about how I would miss my friends and how I would miss my school. Now, two years have already past and my friends in Montfort Chorale has already left Montfort for a year and another batch of juniors have graduated this year. So fast... So so fast...

Thank God for allowing us to keep in touch always. Even though most of us have already entered different schools, we still kept in touch here and there and we also had MCA meetings at my house every saturday (not many turn up lar... but still a gathering...). Praise God! May our friendship grow stronger each year and may we never fall! MCA forever! haha...

I guess I had really went through alot since my secondary school days. During my lower sec days, I had a very fierce and bit*hy form teacher and I survived those two years of "misery". Actually, it was rather fun as my lower sec class was somewhat united and we know how to handle situations. Hiakzz! Then, during my upper sec days, I had many wonderful teachers whom I truly respect. I found a very close and fun group of friends and we named ourselves the planets and Holland V Montfort. haha... It was really very very funny those days. My Chemistry Communication Challenge which I will definitely not forget as we Chem Crusaders had really learnt a lot of things from it and we also learnt to be independent as Mrs Quek was on MC for a long period of time and we had to do most of the things ourselves during the finals. At least, we got into the finals and we are already very happy about it! Of course, not forgetting my choir days in Montfort. Having to change a conductor almost every year was something very very unpleasant. I have described the "history" of my days in choir before under the post on happy fish i think... haha... I will not forget my wonderful 3M1E and my wonderful wonderful choir committee and choir members... Yea... All these things have really created a huge impact on me. And these memories will stay by me forever.

Life in a Junior College is so brief and short. During the first three months of last year, I was praying like crazy that I could enter Meridian. Now, I have officially graduated from Meridian. Through these two years, I have learnt a lot of things not just in terms of studies. I've learnt to conquer my fears, treasure things which I really don't wish to lose and also, work towards my goal. I've achieved many many things in JC too. I had the experience of staging 3 concerts and had sang in a combined choir before. I even experienced how it feels like to get a Gold for SYF! haha... The choir really worked very hard for SYF. We went through a lot with Mr Kwei and Mr Yong and I guess, we have earned and learnt many many things out of it. Although we were aiming for Gold with Honors, a Gold is still good enough since we are the only choir which is not under the Choral Excellence Programme. Yea! All these things, I truly miss.

Looking back at my past, I really can't help but feel that I am really very very lucky. Really lucky to have people who care, to be exposed to so many things. Thank God for allowing all these things to come into my life! As for now, I shall post some random photos again, photos which really make me think about what I have now and what I had in the past... I will definitely treasure my friends now because I really don't want to regret if anything is to happen in future. (*Touch wood*). Anyway, here are the photos in both my JC and secondary school days... enjoy...

Friends

3 Musketeers and 1 Extra! (2005)

The 3 Musketeers and 1 Extra! notice that our position is the direct opposite from the picture above... haha

Jason, me and Choon

Mr Chua and my clique in class... haha

A trip to Sentosa after prelims!

The planets without Melvin and Ching Si... (During La Risonanza I)

The planets/Holland V

The Chem Crusaders with Mrs Quek and Mrs Tan-Sin

MJChoir Days

MJChoir!

MJChoir Basses 2005

Year 2 Choir members

La Risonanza II

Not forgeting my beloved Montfort Choir peeps!

Montfort Chorale 2002 (After Founder's Day)

Montfort Chorale 2003 (Before SYF 2003)

Montfort Chorale 2004 (During Montpressivo I)

The beloved committee of 2003

We just rock! (Taken last year)

Studying all day seems to make me feel so crazy. I was singing facts to myself as I was studying... Really, one of these days, I will definitely move to the wonderful village/chalet located near my house. I will just post some family photos online for the fun of it... Anyway, no one realised that I have reopened my blog, so who cares... right? haha... Here are some of the people whom I love and treasure...

Family

Wow... I feel so much better today! After attending service today, I feel so light. As if my troubles and worries are lifted away. Praise God! My questions are answered through today's service. I feel as if God is telling me what to do and how to overcome my problems and it really feels good!

It has been a long time since I had such a good laugh. Today, my cousins and I were trying to take photos of ourselves by ourselves. smackin! haha... I shall post photos online after I learn how to do it. I remembered the last time since I had such a good laugh was when choon came to my house and we were typing this long funny message on the Montfort Chorale MSN groups. Sigh... Time really passes so quickly. It feels as if I have just entered Meridian yesterday. Although the time spent in Meridian is a short 1 +++ years, I guess it is a rather fruitful one. Sigh... My A levels are coming. Hopefully, I will be prepared by then... sianess...






Our first attempt to take a picture of the five of us by ourselves...















Our second attempt...















Our third attempt...













Finally... one successful attempt...









My cousins and I were like one bunch of crazy people sitting by the bench trying to take pictures of ourselve... I was laughing my head off man! haha... Anyway, it was really fun and I truly enjoyed myself. Not just that night but the whole day. Thank you Lord!

Sigh... The A levels are coming. I am feeling so stressed and depressed. So many things are bothering me now. I really don't know what to do but to turn to God. I will always feel so comforted after talking to God but things will always be ruined after some time when my stupid brain starts to lose faith and think about those pessimistic things. Sometimes I really feel like I am going to go mad soon. I am really trying my best to hold on and persevere towards the end. I am really trying my best to be strong in my Faith. Why must the evil devil ruin this for me? I feel so weak, so vulnerable.

This past two weeks have not been a very good one for me. I guess I am just being affected by so many things now. I want to do well for my A levels. I don't want to repeat the same mistakes I've made during my O levels. And yet, it seems that history is repeating itself again. Sigh... I really feel so numb, so tired! How I wish this chapter of my life will end soon. Sigh...

Trust in God and in Him you will find great riches. Faith, I tell you, can move mountains.

How I wish I will not be affected so easily... How I wish time will pass by quickly... How I wish I can be strong, stronger than before...

Whatever it is, PRAISE GOD! for being my guide, for being by my side whenever I am feeling sad, down and depressed, for calming me down whenever I feel agitated, for guiding me through each day!

Wow... 2 weeks since school started. Everything is happening so quickly. Got into a new class. Had great teachers! Received my enlistment notice... 2 chapters for each subject covered in just 2 weeks. Its so fast. I am getting tired more and more easily. Lost my stamina and all. Help me!

Anyway, MJC choir will be having a concert! woohoo! SYF is confirmed. Year 1s are enthusiastic. 8 male Year 1s. Haiz... am really really very tired. Lost. Montfort Chorale improved quite alot. whatever... this entry has no direction... going to do homework liaoz... haizz

Christmas came and went...

Heyzz! belated merry christmas! Hmmmz... I guess this year's Christmas eve was the best i had ever had in my life... Last year was best Christmas day... haha...

Joel's House
This year Joel invited me and a group of friends to his house to celebrate Christmas again! =) As usual the food was great and also I was laughing like crazy again. Got to met a few of my friends whom I had not met for a looonnnnngggg time. Wow! Great to see them again. Jason Tang and Nikki always amuse me with their bitching and jokes whenever I am with them. They never fail to make me laugh till my stomach hurts. Met Ching Si too, someone I have not met ever since the East Coast BBQ gathering thingy... Things changed. Time passes so quickly and here we are in 2004 waiting for 2005 to come... sigh... Anyway, there was the usual singing of carols. I only sang the 12 days of Christmas with Joel and family before taking my leave.

Mid-Night Mass
Rushed down to Nativity Church immediately from Joel's house to catch the Christmas Service, "Hear the Joyous News". Wasn't feeling good when i was in the bus. Tight chest, shallow breathing and what have you. I just felt so uncomfortable and of course, rather nervous and shaky. I wonder why... But the feeling left me when i was at church, listening to the choir sing and all. I feel so safe and happy when i am in the house of God. =) Ah... Happiness... The combined choir sang well on that night. Actually, I thought i would be hearing the choir sing by myself outside the church. But Clement came for the Midnight mass and he decided to stay outside the church with me throughout the service. Hiakz... Glad that he came, if not I would have been lonely and not only that, i would not have attended the Mid night mass. Hmmmz... Its my first time attending the Mid night mass and the feeling was great. Although Clement and I were talking away throughout the course of the mass (oops... haha =x), the atmosphere was alright (Because of the singing i guess... haha). It has been a long time since i attended mass (the last time i went was when i am singing with the combine choir for easter vigil) and its great to attend mass after a long break from it.

Christmas Day
Sigh... Christmas isn't Christmas till it happens in your heart...
This is so true. I didn't have the Christmas feeling this year... Its more like a Mother's birthday thing than a Christmas day... Went to Paul's house for awhile to release some boredom but still like that... haha... Haizz.... as I grow older, i begin to lose the christmasy feeling. Although there was gift exchange with my friends, card sending as usual, but its still like that... Normal. Christmas marks the 1 week count down to school reopen. Sianness... Its gonna be a tiring 2005 for me. The tension will definitely be great and I am definitely going to be stressed out like nobody's business. Haiz...

God work miracles. I believe in it... do you?
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

May I have a new beginning next year. May everyone have a blessed 2005...

Christmas Eve is here!

Halo people! Okay... fine... i've been quite lazy these few days... Anyway, Christmas day is tomorrow!! yippee! Looking forward to tonight though. Will be going to Joel's house later and will rush down to Nativity for their "Hear the Joyous News!" at 11pm.

I was at Junction 8 just now with my friend and we sort of met this group of noisy girls giggling and talking about chrisy poo touching them... wanting to kiss sly under the mistletoe and what sueing so and so for sexual arrestment and what not. They are just irritating. My friend was developing 100+ photo and some machine which develops digital photos... And it is sought of our fault for not telling them that we will be taking a long time because we are developing 100+ photographs from one pathetic machine. But they called us names and started bitching us when my friend and I walked away... how unintelligent, unglamarous and dumb. Fancy calling people names just because they had to wait for 30 minutes. Okay, so my friend should not have said "too bad we were here first" but they should just take it in their stride and keep quiet what. Why must call us names... as if it will help with the situation. If they don't want to wait, then they should ask us how long we are going to take or something, but noooooooooooooo... they were there making so much noise, talking at the top of their voice about those Singapore Idols. I guess those girls did not bathe for quite a few days since their precious chrisy poo touched them... cannot wash the essence of his touch away... just kidding... Anyway, the aunty at the shop came out and asked them to keep their voices down, how exciting... They are lucky that I am not in a bitchy mood, if not... hmmmz... no one can tell what i will do... (actually nothing much larz... just talk back lorz...) but... yea... how irritating...


Hmmmz... Christmas is coming, which means school will reopen soon... Oh man... dreading for that day to come. As you can see, my English standard is deproving like crazy. I wonder why... hmmmmz... Yea, My mum's birthday is tomorrow. Which reminds me, I havent got her a present yet... haha... oops =x. Maybe I will sneak out tomorrow and buy her something. A cake maybe... Sigh... A levels coming in 11 months time... stressed...

What a day!

Wow! What a fun day I had yesterday!

MJChoir went to record our school song yesterday at a big recording studio located at a very ulu and secluded area. It's quite an enjoyable experience, being able to put on that headphone and sing in that fish tank like room. It was really cool. The recording took quite long because we tried singing together as a whole choir first, then started to record section by section. Anyway, I was shivering throughout the recording process because it was raining outside and the air con was like making the whole place sooooooooooooo cold.

Surprisingly, Montfort had their End of year bash cum Sec 4 farewell party yesterday. Hmmmz... I am quite happy to be able to see my sec 4 juniors after their long break from their Os. I was helping out at the kitchen anyway... My first time cutting up a watermelon and a honeydew. Messy yet fun. I heard many things about their Amusing race in the morning. A childish act and the lack of foresight i would say. I am so angry to hear that the committee is not very united after all. Two station masters. Both hated each other. One of them is not familiar in getting himself around Singapore. Because the other was being made fun of having to be station master with this bloke who doesn't know how to go Orchard road even, he left him behind, making this poor bloke having to find his way around. THAT IS SO CHILDISH! If something happens to this guy, the teachers will get into deep trouble. Why can't he even think of the consequences of such an act? He is already secondary 3 moving on to secondary 4 and here he is, trying to get himself into trouble, trying to stop people from poking fun at him by getting rid of this guy who doesn't even know how to leave hougang by a train. What can I say? Stubborness! I've shouted and scolded this group of people for for God knows how many times and here they are continuing with all this stupid things. Yes, I know that the guy (By the way the S____ C_____ of the choir) is not a likeable person in nature and all but at least they have to work together for God's sake! Without a united committee, how can the next batch of juniors taking up posts learn from them? I really wonder. There will be major changes to the choir and without a strong committee to assist the teachers, how can the choir still stand together and strive? Sigh... What can I do to help them if they don't help themselves? Oh whatever... I'll let God decide on the fate of the choir... praying hard everyday...

I wonder... hmmmz...

These few days, I have been thinking back about the past, the times I had in my secondary school lifel. I guess those memories will never fade away as I move on in life. Today is the day when my choir committee received sad news 2 years back. I guess it was very sad and emotional to learn that Mr Yong is leaving us then. sigh... Whatever it is, it is now part of the past and there is nothing we can do about it.

I had my choir meeting in school today. It was definitely fun... Had never laughed so much for the past months. Anyway, I have motivated myself to start doing my holiday assignment because I want to enjoy my Christmas... Haha... So yea, it's gonna be fun tomorrow. MJ choir will be having our "choral clinic" (a cover-up name) and it will definitely be fun. I hope... hmmmmzz....

Just another day

Heyz heyz!

Wow... I've been extremely lazy for the past few days. Eat, sleep, read, watch TV. My holiday assignments are still nicely placed in my file, waiting for me to touch them and finish them. Sigh... I am just so lazy to start doing my homework.

Have been re-reading Harry Potter lately. It is just so exciting even though I have read it before.

Happy Fish (Kuai Le Yu).

For those who watch Xi Ling Men 2 (that 7pm show on Channel 8), you might understand what I am referring to. Hmmmmz... I find the situation the Montfort Chorale is facing, similar to Kuai Le Yu (The restaurant which sells the very famous fish and chips in the show).

Before da ma died, the restaurant is still prospering, doing quite well in fact. This is so similar to my batch of seniors whom I truly respect. Although we were only a 20 strong choir when i was in sec 1, the choir was actually doing very well. At that time, Mrs Paula Lee(The most feared conductress) was the choir mistress and my seniors knows how to handle her screamings and sarcasm quite well. So our relationship with our conductress then, was good too! We also had bonding sessions everytime after choir practice and we really had a choir room which we can truly own it. I guess, a good relationship between conductor and choir and a choir with its members bonded together like a family is important helping a choir to do well in whatever they want to do. And that's why, i guess at that time, we were doing quite well. I was one out of the 4 miserable new sec 1 members then.

When I was in Sec 2, my seniors left. Those sec 3s who were in choir quit because they did not like Mrs Lee. So, its left with the four sec 2 members and big bunch of sec 1 members who were conscripted into choir. This phase is similar to that when Jiaxi (That b***** daughter of da ma) took over the restaurant for the first time after Da Ma's death. The choir was extremely disorientated. We can't harmonise properly and we ended up singing songs with one part. Our first SYF took place that year and we achieved a COP. It was so expected. Most of the people (maybe everyone) dislike Mrs Lee because she is always screaming and never admits that she is wrong. But i guess she is a nice lady outside choir time. Knowing that the sec 1 members did not like choir very much, attendance was bad. I shan't elaborate... it was a total disaster.

Near the end of 2001, my sec 2 year, Mr Yong entered the choir. With him taking over the choir, we see light and a bright future a head. This third phase is similar to that when Yaxi and Meili (daughter-in-laws of the Luo family) helped out and take charge in the restaurant. The choir learnt new stuff and started from scratch. I was extremely happy and was always looking forward to choir practices. It's like the only thing that can make me feel happy even though i am suffering from a bad day. I totally enjoyed myself through choir practice and Mr Yong became not just our conductor, but also, our friend. He was very friendly, kind and is always smiling. He hardly scolds us (Okay... maybe once because we made him extremely angry. But that's not the point). Also, he has many plans for the choir and I can see his passion to teach us. The relationship between choir and conductor was there... a good friendship. At that time, the committee had tried their best to create a bond between each choir member. We would always have a sing along session in the bus as we were on our way home. Everyone would just sing along and harmonise together on the bus. The teachers were happy. The members were happy. The committee were happy. And indeed, we did show improvements in our standard. However, at the end of that year, Mr Ng came in and took over.

This marks the fourth phase... Jiaxi with support from Gao Zhi An (That disgusting psycho who goes around abusing women) took over the restaurant again. I am not saying that Mr Ng is not good in anyway. No! Mr Ng is indeed a man with knowlege and he knows what he is doing and all. But when he took over, I guess the choir did not accept him fully... and until now... the present... the choir seems to be in a pathetic state... What was once a 40 strong choir has been reduced to a 20 ++ strong choir (Supposedly to be 35, however, some souls choose to absent themselves for God knows what reasons). They are now strugglins with the Set piece and at the rate that they are going... I don't know. Sigh...

This leaves me to a sad conclusion that... If an organisation is not united, if they are not willing to accept changes and hope for the better... then, don't expect any good outcome at the end of it. Anyway, I guess I am thinking alot. But, such things just dawn on me when i am just staring blankly into space. Time flies. Things change. We can't live in a world of yesterday to expect great things in future. Sigh... Although i love and enjoyed myself in Meridian, I still wish I could go back to the past, where all my happy memories resides...

Tiring Day

Hello people!

Wow, at last, lessons for the second semester had ended! Phewy! Today's chemistry was quite enriching but the lecturer drag on for like another 40 minutes, so its like total suffering. But its no doubt helpful for the test next year.

Went to Montfort this morning. Their attendance is totally pathetic because only 17 out of 35 members came for practice. I wonder how they are going to get at least a bronze for SYF if their attitude continues to be the "YAY! COP FOR NEXT YEAR!" or "AIYA CONFIRM COP ONE LAR!". How irritating. I wish I could just stand in front of them to scold them. hmmmz... At least the sec 3s are not a let down in terms of attitude. But the lower sec should be given a wake up call! They don't even know what SYF means to the school, teachers, seniors and most of all, to them. They should at least do themselves proud by achieving something from their CCA on not just while their time away and achieve nothing. I believe a CCA is not just a compulsory activity that you must take part in, but it is a chance to let you explore your talents and learn something out of it. SYF... I always hoped that the Montfort Chorale could get at least a bronze last year. I know we are capable of doing it. But things don't always happen the way you want it to happen. At least I have taken that in my stride and I am trying my best to go back for their practices to help them achieve something next year. Sign... I guess its another COP year if they continue with this attitude.

Sunset.

I love that song. Its beautiful. The lyrics are rather relaxing and the JC version is quite easy to sing. Mr Kwei has told us how to attack the piece and how to sing out the essence of the song. Although the secondary school version is similar to that of the JC version, I guess Montfort will have a hard time conquering that piece because of the beats and the way they potray songs. Haha... Not that I want to say them or anything, but shouting songs suits them the best. They seem to be unable to do slow, relaxing songs. But if there's a will, there's a way. I will make sure they can get it right. Since its the holidays, I will have time to go back for their practices! and of course I need to study. The warning from my lecturers are scaring me. A levels next year. Time will just pass so quickly and its gonna be tough.

Anyway, saya kita balik ruma... haha... ignore me... trying to be lame... Shall blog the next time... goodie bye

I need a rest... I need a break... Beginning to feel better... but mind is killing me... Father, help me!

Another day...

Alright... another day of school. How tiring and energy consuming. The biology department rocks!! haha... Our lecturers always let us off so early and they are always there for us when we needed them. Yea!! Just hope that this week will end soon because I am beginning to get sick of having double lecture periods everyday. It can kill both the mind and the soul alright.

Went to Compass Point to get Jing Yi's birthday present. Wow, I bought him a pair of slippers from OP which costs 23 bucks... hmmmz... Its nice! I like it very much... but Mum might nag larz... haha... Its ok... Preparing to make Christmas presents this year. Another hand made thing which is cheap and i guess meaningful? haha... I make them with love, patience and yada yada yada... what crap... But its gonna be nice... I hope...

Life is full of ups and downs. A bad childhood can cause a great impact in how you are gonna lead your life in future. A nasty situation can cause a great impact in you and might result in making your life miserable as days past. I wonder, how can a problem like this be solved? Seeing a psychiatrist? Taking medicine? Facing these fears alone? I don't know... Sometimes, things might get so out of hand that you might get hurt both physically and mentally. I, for that matter, will break down totally and go mad if I don't seek help. God has spoken to me. I know what to do. But, its difficult with a mind that is very unexpected. One moment you may be alright, but the next moment, you may just feel down, moody etc. I know what I want to do in future. I guess I am living in fear each day but it's no point. I am the cause of such misery and I should put an end to it. But how am I going to do it if I don't have a strong mind? God is the answer to this question.

Haha... anyway, got our SYF set piece. It is great! Hope Montfort can do it well... Alright, shall end hear... mother nagging...

Blog awoken from deep sleep... hahazz

Hello! hello hello hello (slowly echoing away)

Haha... i know it has been a loooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg time since i blogged so here i am, blogging a new entry. Wonders if anyone will ever bother visiting my blog again but here it goes.

Time has passed so quickly. Through this 9 months of my life ever since I left my blog, many things had happened to me - good, bad, whatever.

I entered into a whole new world after being extinct from the education system for 3 months. Being able to experience the life of a Junior College student is incredible. Life has took a drastic change for me. I began to think about things from a different perspective and i began to learn new stuff from my choir. The lecture tutorial system was quite difficult to adapt at first, but it takes time for me to get used to this new system and learn what I want to learn.

JC education is definitely a great big step away from what we learn in secondary school. I am taking Biology, Chemistry and Maths C as my subject here in MJC. Biology used to be: respiration involves mitochondria which produces ATP as a source of energy. Now... Biology is: Respiration involves 3 processes, glycolysis, kreb's cycle and oxidative phosphorylation coupled with the electron transport chain. Chemistry used to be: a covalent bond is formed when 2 or more atoms of non-metallic elements share their electrons to form a stable octet configuration. Now chemsitry is: a covalent bond is the strong electrostatic forces of attraction between the shared electron pair and the postively charged nuclei of each constituent atom. Fun yet challenging. Being able to score a CCD for my promotional exams really makes me feel happy. But there is more to come.

Through this year, I had the chance to perform in concerts which I do not get to do so in the past. First it was La Risonanza, MJC choir own solo concert at VCH. It was successful but due to a small mistake, my choral conductor was mad in the end. Secondly, Montpressivo, Montfort Chorale's first solo concert at CHIJMES hall. It was also successful and I was their guest conductor. I am so proud of them, being through all the hard times and practices and being able to produce such results on their concert day. Mr Yong came too! but he came secretly because he did not want the choir to crowd around him (as usual) and make Mr Ng feel embarass. Now, I am promoted to the bass SL for MJ choir. I feel quite awkward at first, but nevertheless, we shall see the outcome...

Hiyaz!! I have not been bloggin for a very very very very very long long time! Nothing much happened to me anyway.

On the 20th of March --->

1. Found out that I was posted to SRJC (My third choice). Kinda expected it since i did not meet the cut off for MJC and NYJC.

2. Went down to MJC immediately at 11 + am to fill in the appeal form. Met Joel.

3. Went out with my friends. Met birthday boy Daryl. Had great fun and many laughters with my frens... hahaha

4. Went home to rot and practice for my appeal at MJC on Monday.

On the 21st of March --->
1. Met Daryl at Junction 8.

2. Watched Haunted Mansion with Daryl and friend.

3. Went home to play the Sims and chat online.

4. Called Paul and talked to him. Called him to wave at me from his block... haha...

5. Paul came over to my house and we left for Nativity Church immediately for choir practice.

6. Lovely choir practice at Church. Practicing for Easter Vigil.

7. Had a mini choir practice for the song Ave Verum Corpus (Mozart version) for Good Friday. er... no comments... haha.

On the 22nd of March --->

1. Woke up at 10.30am. Prayed and bathe.

2. Rushed down to MJC for my audition.

3. Saw a large group of males lining up outside the AVA room. Thought that they were all appeal cases but luckily they are just the J1s of MJC... hahaha

4. Met Joel, Jun Yang, Abdul outside the AVA room. Talked to them.

5. My queue was cut short because Mr Yong came out and take the appeal cases. (Only 2 appeal cases.)

6. Went home with Jun Yang.

7. Paul, Edwin and Joseph came over to my house to play some games before going for choir practice.

8. Met Clement and Reuben at Council Room.

9. Attended choir practice and flip page for the pianist again. (I am not dreading this task. It is kinda fun... haha)

10. Went to Long John Silver with Paul, Edwin and Reuben. Had dinner there. Suppose to do Chemistry with Reuben.

11. Paul and Edwin came over to my place again to play games... haha

12. FINALE!!! -----> I RECEIVED A CALL FROM MJC! GUESS WHAT!!!?!?! MY APPEAL WAS SUCCESSFUL!!!!!! YAY!!!! =D

13. Did mass smsing to tell everyone the good news.

14. Bugged Paul with this sentence, "Paul, let me tell you something. I GOT INTO MJC LEHZ!!!!"

15. Updating my blog now.

This entry is kind of boring don't you think? Ha! I am so happy today!! Will be going to MJC tomorrow to collect some forms and after this, I will be and official Meridian! Yea! Thanking all ppl who are so concern for me!! YEA!!

Thank you people for being so concerned for me and thank you for caring for me so much... Thank you so much... i really appreciated it! Especially those who have consoled me and talk to me... yea... thanks alot! I feel much better now... Today I am actually a little disappointed with my results. I will list down these few ppl... Mrs Choy, Mrs Chua (for telling me my bio score), Clement, Joel, Jun Yang, Daniel, Melvin, Ching Si, Alvin, Joseph, Edwin, Sylvester, Jason, Januarius, Addison, Paul, Theodoric, Ernest, Wen Jie, Kian Heng, Jeffrey, Farihin, Firmin, Bryan, Yong Liang, Daryl and Marc... hope i nver miss out anyone... last but not least, my parents and my aunt... for being so concerned of my results... I really hope that MJC will accepted me... By the way, I will be receiving psychiatric help soon to help me cope with my life... yea! So tat's all... A report on my results...

English Language: B3

Biology: B3

Chemistry: A2

Physics: B3

E Mathematics: A2

A Mathematics: B3

Mother Tongue: C6

Combined Humanities: C6

English Literature: D7

L1 R5: 19

L1 R4: 13

JC i wanna be in: Meridian Junior College!

The day is coming... It's getting near...

I don't know why i am feeling so nervous and scared about my results. Yesterday when I was in school, many teachers came to talk to me, asking me where i want to go after my getting my results. For the past few days i had been studying too, Biology and Chemistry. Reading through the facts and information in the guidebooks that i have bought for these subjects made me think twice about whether i want to go to a JC. It looks difficult and the pressure i will receive will be big. But I guess i will still go to a JC, because it's what I want and I really like the JC style (Whateva it is... haha). For the past 2 weeks, my purpose of going back to school was not only for choir practices but for studying too. While the band is having their sectionals at the gallery, I was there, pulling my hair and trying to figure out what the book is trying to tell me. For Chemistry, the only topic I don't understand so far is the electronic structure of an atom, the electron energy or whatever it is. For Biology, everything seems fine for me except for the terms prokaryotic and eukaryotic cells.

I just can't wait for Judgement Day to arrive. I am dying to know my results! Badly! Who isn't anyway? Mrs Choy said," There are 3 groups of people which you will see on the day when you collect your results. Group 1: Kancheong, nervous scared. Group 2: Bochap, nothing affects them even if they do badly. Group 3: You dun even see them there because they can't be bothered to come and collect their results." Hmmmmz... Interesting... Anyway, praying hard that I will do well. Hope that I won't cry on that day... hahaha...

The band will be performing tomorrow at BLK 541 for some social thingy. Will be there... haha (Extra me...) All the best people for your results...

"That day is coming... So worried for all of you..."
Quote from Mrs Perreira... Our ever loving Literature teacher! =D